Tag Archives: Family Law

mediation law

Mediation – an Inside Look

Collaborative Law,

mediation lawWhat is mediation?

Mediation is a voluntary, alternative dispute resolution process in which a neutral third party is appointed to assist the parties in reaching a mutually agreeable settlement.  Mediation can be used in the following family law cases: divorce, custody, and support, including spousal support, alimony pendente lite, alimony and child support.  In family law cases, mediators are typically either experienced family law attorneys or mental health professionals, particularly when custody is at issue.

What is the mediation process?

Once a mediator has been agreed upon by the parties, including how the mediator will be paid, the mediator’s preferences and practices will dictate the next step.  This may include a meeting or conference call with counsel, only, to gather background information, or the mediator may request Mediation Statements be submitted prior to the first session to orient the mediator to the facts and issues.

Do I still need an attorney if I mediate my case?

Mediators are neutral and are not permitted to provide legal advice.  For this reason, alone, both parties should approach mediation with counsel.  Some mediators mandate that counsel be present at all mediation sessions.  Some mediators prefer that counsel attend only the first session and then be available for phone calls from their clients to provide legal advice during subsequent mediation sessions, with the thought that attorneys can create hurdles to settlement and escalate tensions between the parties.  This will greatly depend upon the preferences and practices of the mediator; however, input from parties’ counsel is important to determine what might work best for the parties and their dynamic.

What occurs at mediation sessions?

The mediator can meet jointly with the parties and counsel, or separate the parties.  If the parties are placed in different rooms, the mediator will shuttle between rooms, referred to as caucusing.  The private meetings provide an opportunity for each side to learn the strengths and weaknesses of their case, as well as discuss what the court outcome may be if the matter does not settle at mediation.  An integral part of mediation, whether the session is joint or the mediator shuttles between two rooms, is for negotiations to occur.

How long does the mediation process take?

Several mediation sessions may be necessary.  It depends upon what information has been provided, if further information and documentation are needed for parties to make decisions, and if additional sessions are necessary to discuss other options to settle.  For example, one mediation session may be devoted to discussing a holiday and summer custody schedule for the children, while a separate session discusses the day-to-day custody schedule.  One mediation session may be necessary to determine what other financial statements are needed to supply the parties with all the facts to brainstorm various options to settle the distribution of the marital estate.  There are no set number of sessions needed, and no rule of thumb.  The mediation process is individually tailored to the needs of the parties and the issues to negotiate.

What if the other party won’t agree to mediation?

Unfortunately, since mediation is a voluntary process, if one party refuses to entertain mediation as an option, they cannot be forced to do so.  Mediation is successful when both parties present in good faith, and come to the table prepared to negotiate.  Good faith encompasses realizing that compromise is essential to a successful mediation process.

Holidays and Custody

How to Ease the Holiday Stress

Family,

Holidays can be a difficult and stressful time when they have to be shared between two households, but they don’t have to be.  There are many things a divorced or separated parent can do to ease the stress of the holidays for you and your children:

 

  1. Holidays and CustodyIf possible, try to coordinate gift-giving for the children. This can help avoid duplication of gifts for the children and also help avoid a feeling of competition of who is giving the better gift.

 

  1. When it comes to the holiday custody schedule, don’t get upset if a parent is a little late for the exchange, and try to accommodate if a parent requests to drop off an hour later than normal, as long as it does not interfere with plans you have. A little flexibility and consideration will go a long way to reduce stress and help your child transition between parents.

 

  1. Don’t be afraid to start new traditions. Parents often want to maintain traditions for the holidays, and while it is important to maintain those traditions if you can, when parents separate, it can make maintaining those traditions more difficult and more stressful for the family.  Incorporating new traditions into your plans can be fun for you and the children.

 

  1. Make sure the children know what to expect with the holiday custody schedule. The holiday custody schedule is typically different than the regular custody schedule and making the children aware of the changes so they know in advance can help reduce their stress.

 

Everyone wants to enjoy the holidays and trying to minimize the stress is key.  Keep your focus on your children and enjoy the memories you create during the holiday season.

 

Family Law

Do You See What I See?

Family,

Family LawHave you looked at your family members with open eyes to see what has changed in the past year?  Holidays are a great opportunity to evaluate aging family members.  Often we don’t get to see our parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles in person throughout the year.  When we sit down with them for in-person visits it can be shocking how much the aging process has impacted them.  When we see the person frequently, we may not “see” the warning signs of potential areas of concern.  As you visit with family, ask yourself some of the following questions:

  1. Are they well-groomed with clean clothing? Issues with bathing, clothes washing and other personal areas of hygiene are a sign that the person may need more daily assistance than they presently have.
  2. When they walk around are they “furniture walking”? Using couches, chairs, walls, etc. to walk from room to room is a strong sign that the person may have balance issues or a fear of falling.
  3. Do they seem engaged with current events? Being engaged in current activities both worldwide and in the family is important.  When people start to disengage it can be a sign of hearing loss or more significantly, mental decline.
  4. How are they handling their medications? Medication confusion can result in serious consequences, including death.  When someone gets confused they may take the wrong medication or fail to take a required medication.  Many pharmacies offer systems to help keep medications organized.  If someone is not taking their medications it also is a sign that they are having financial difficulties.
  5. Do they look like they are taking care of the necessities?
  6. Is their weight stable? Weight loss can be a sign that they are not eating regular meals or have an unaddressed medical issue.  It can mean they need assistance with shopping, meal preparation or a myriad of issues.
  7. Are they having any issues with hearing or the ability to communicate? Hearing loss is common and leads to isolation.
  8. Are they managing their financial affairs? This is harder to evaluate in a short visit but often small comments can be red flags.
  9. Has someone new entered into their life that they are relying on? Unfortunately, there are people who seek out elderly persons and manipulate them financially and even cause physical abuse.  Watch for unusual relationships.

Of course, you don’t want to spend your entire holiday visit doing a formal valuation of family members.  But it offers us a great opportunity to see a family with open eyes to the fact that our assistance or the assistance of more formal caregivers may be needed!